The monster in us all

A monster lurks within every soul
      Today, for my English class I was assigned to write a response to the article "A monster lurks within every soul." Ok.... sounds like the typical fight that every human has with evil. To my surprise, it was one of the most powerful things I've ever read. I posted the link and I encourage all of you to take a look.
      Our culture has changed drastically throughout the years and its scary to think about how real killing is. Its as if we all have this "easy" button for evil. We all begin as good people, its what nature is...good. Unfortunately, we also have this evil inside, its what temptation is....evil. People more often than not, have this mask of happiness and perfection that everyone else would kill to have. (irony?)  People also have very secretive lives that not even family members know about. I remember when I read the book She Said Yes by Misty Bernall and thinking, wow. What drives someone to kill like that? I felt the same two years ago after hearing that a student at my school took their own life. Evil is a sneaky thing that can hit you before you realize its too late. Just a rude remark, perhaps even said as a joke, can drive someone to take their own life or the lives of others. We all have a breaking point and when we reach it, we snap. As this article points out, "The question isn't why someone snaps but how the rest of us refrain from our darkest urges."
     David Buss was interviewed for the article when he did a survey at his school. He found that over 91% of his male students and 84% of the females wrote that they had seriously thought about killing someone. When asked to write a paper about it, they all turned in stories of the horrid ways they would seek revenge on these people who did them wrong. Hold up. So you think killing someone is the way for you to find your happiness? Am I the only one who sees a fault in this? I don't care how evil you are.... you still have a conscious and I don't know how you would be able to live with yourself.
     Let me try to explain something....emphasis on try. So this girl, lets call her Lola and this boy, lets call him Teddy. Teddy cheats on Lola with Trixie. Lola gets angry and kills Teddy. Trixie gets pissed and kills Lola. Lola's family and friends want justice and kill Trixie. Trixie's friends and family want justice so her brother kills Lola's younger sister. Lola's parents get angry and kill Trixie's younger sister.... Get what I mean? Its a vicious cycle that wont be ending anytime soon. Maybe this was a bad example, an exaggeration to say the least, but you get my point.
      I know world peace is highly unrealistic, but I think we can all do a little better than what were doing right now. It's not working. I definitely have a few people that need payback and sometimes I just want to rip out their hair. But! You can't do that. Don't stoop to their level. You're better than that. Trust me, if you do something sufficiently horrible to them, that feeling of sweet revenge isn't going to last long. I am definitely not saying that you should just up and forgive them. Were not that perfect. But we can move on to bigger and better things.
       I have altered a famous quote to my own liking and I hope it gives you some insight.... Pay no mind to those who treat you like freaking shit, for they have whats coming for them.
      No, but in all seriousness they do. We all have a choice, its not as simple as choosing good or evil for we are human and we all sin and will in the future. But taking one step forward and fighting that thing inside which drives us all into evil and temptation...well, its one step closer. Its kind of like when someone tries to lose weight, they think oh this small bowl of ice cream isn't going to make a difference. Half a gallon later I think we all know it will. Getting revenge and doing something "bad" can seem so great and powerful for that one second, but afterwords, your in for a world of hurt. One thing, anything can make all the difference. I definitely get that every time you get knocked down, it gets easier and easier to give up on life. But you know what? Each time you do get up. You get stronger and you WILL be able to handle whatever comes next. Life is not easy...obviously. Life can suck.... that's a given. But life is worth living. Whoever you are. And the pain goes away and voices in your head go away and it all gets easier. You are stronger than the monster inside and you can beat it. You have before.

The time we waste

Sometimes I feel like we waste our words and we waste our moments. Its like we don’t take the time to say things that are in our hearts when we have the chance... and then its too late. 

As a senior, I've begun to look back at my years in high school and the decisions I made. Let me make it clear, I do not believe in regrets. However, I do think its important to reflect on your life and learn from it in a broader perspective. You've seen the movies, you've read the books, and you've heard it in the news... the people who take their life for granted and one little decision changes everything. You can take this information to a micro or macro perspective. From cheating on a test to not wearing your seat-belt. 

Take every opportunity to step back from reality and assess your life. Is it everything you want? Do you feel you are making a mark on the world? Do you feel worthy? Do you feel like you are a genuine person and that you have seriously contributed to people on this earth? 
          Ok.... then change it. 

     You are the mastermind of your own life. Start from this very second and make an impact on the world. Take every breathe you've breathed on this earth and use those instances to further someone else. I was recently hurt by someone who I loved very very much. I am so angry at how they hurt me and lied to me. I blame myself because I'm obviously not pretty enough or nice enough for him. That's when you tell yourself to shut the hell up. You are worth it! God isn't going to give you anything you can't handle. This has probably been the most difficult time in my life as everything that could go wrong, has.
 I believe, without a doubt, that there was a purpose in all of this. I want people to know what I went through because I want to help them through it too. That isn't to say that I'm not still hurt, because I am. I love him and hate him with all the strength in me. But I am allowed to move on... because I am worth it. Maybe not to him, maybe not to a friend, but there are enough people that love me and will fight with me to become stronger out of all of this. I actually feel relieved, as if I have gotten through this and I am ready for whatever is next. I so want to help people that are going through this, because if they don't have support like I was fortunate to have...I just can't even imagine. Its so easy to shut people out and hide away from the world, but you are loved. Whoever is reading this, I love you and I would do anything in my power to help you if you need it.